How to Set Healthy Boundaries:
An interactive one-to-one workshop
You probably feel frustrated with yourself when you say yes to things when you really want to say no.
How many times have you said to yourself, “I wish I hadn’t agreed to this!”
You might find yourself complying with others requests because you know it’ll make them happy - and at least them being happy is a good thing, and maybe at least then maybe they’ll like you. Or at a minimum, it will minimize conflict.
What you’re sure of is that saying “no” feels terrifying.
And, OMG… what would happen if you disappointed somebody? Sometimes it makes you feel like a little kid being punished.
But you can also feel that continuing to meet others needs while yours go barely met is not only unfair, it’s going to eventually cause burnout and resentment. You’re already feeling it, which is why you’re here, reading this page.
Your experience is real, and you are not alone - not by a long shot.
You’ve probably tried a whole bunch of things trying to figure this out.
You try to push yourself to say no, rehearsing the conversation ahead of time, but when they say, “awwww, come on, please?” you crumble and say “yes.”
Or, you know how you get invited to go out one night, and you really don’t want to go so you say you already have plans? Yeah… you don’t really have plans, do you? You feel relieved that you got out of it, but also a little crappy about having to make up a story about it. I mean, why isn’t “no thanks” good enough?
Maybe instead you decide to go and then the entire time, you’re thinking about how to get out of it, your escape plan, and even though you might even be having some fun… still… you know in your heart you abandoned what you really wanted.
You know about boundaries - you’ve read blog posts, listened to a podcast, and talked to others about it - but when faced with a real-life situation, you clam up, your mind goes blank, or the other person simply won’t respect your effort to say “no.”
One things for sure… your lack of boundaries is not due to a lack of trying.
So then, why are your efforts not working?
Why are setting and holding healthy boundaries so hard?
One reason what you’ve tried so far isn’t working is because you're relying on pleasing others, making yourself dependent upon other people’s approval in order to feel accepted, worthy, loved, and like you belong.
People pleasing will sometimes for a very short time, but as you’re probably feeling - it’s not a sustainable strategy.
Avoiding the problem isn’t making it any easier on yourself either. In fact, avoiding your own boundaries is causing the problem to worsen, not improve.
Also, avoidance doesn’t help the other person to understand and relate to the real you, which is why you probably don’t feel like the relationship is as mutual as you wish it was.
Will they still love you if you say “no?”
It’s a scary question to answer, right?
In some cases, trying to set and hold boundaries can result in physical, mental, or emotional abuse in varying degrees. Maybe you’ve experienced someone say something like, “If you loved me, you’d say yes.” That is manipulation, and maybe coercion. It’s hard to have boundaries in situations like this.
For you, perhaps it feels like saying “no” becomes a choice to choose violence for yourself (betraying your own wishes), which has to be safer than choosing violence from them (berating, insults, rage, retaliation, etc.).
No wonder boundaries are so challenging.
So then, what's the solution?
There are three key things that are missing in the solutions and strategies you’ve tried.
Each one of these things is absolutely necessary if you’re going to be able to set and hold healthy boundaries:
Values & Priorities + Options + Safety
Let's take these one at a time.
Values & Priorities
You need to be really centered in your own values - which are the things that matter most to you. You need to be clear about what you stand for, and what you won’t stand for. And then, you have to understand how to prioritize your own values so they can support your boundary setting.
In every situation, you have options - but those options may not always be obvious, so you need to learn how to identify all your available options.
Very often, this is a core reason we say yes, instead of no, because we didn’t know how to navigate the options available to us. This is especially true if abuse is possible.
When you understand your options, you understand how to set better boundaries.
When you are able to find safety and within yourself, instead of through the approval of others, you open up a whole new world, and boundary setting and holding becomes a lot easier.
This is by no means, a small task. This is revolutionary.
Learning how to love yourself, be strong within yourself, and be confident within yourself, allows you the safety needed to say no and do it with grace.
In order to learn to put these three key principles of boundaries into practice in your life, you need some guidance, training, and hand holding.
I can support you in learning and practicing setting and holding healthy boundaries in every aspect of your life.
May I introduce you to the…
How to Set Healthy Boundaries One-on-One Workshop
This is a one-on-one workshop training program with me, over a period of six weeks.
Through this workshop, you’ll end up being able to skillfully:
Create more choice for yourself
Feel safe within yourself and your relationships.
Connect with your inner-self; feel self-love from within, so you are not seeking validation externally.
Figure what is important to you from your relationships and how you want to be treated.
Here Are Some Things I Will Teach You:
Why you have an issue saying ‘no’ to people.
Who presently in your life crosses your boundaries and why?
How to stand up for yourself and become your own self-advocate.
Honesty. How scary, courageous and satisfying it can be to speak your truth and tell others what they can expect from you and what you expect from them.
How to stop your friends, partners or family member’s unhealthy behaviors towards you by not avoiding them.
Changing your self-image, so you see yourself as a strong, confident, honest adult.
How to treat yourself kindly, so you feel freer and enjoy your time more.
How to clarify which relationships are healthy and which ones may be emotionally unsafe for you.
Letting go of guilt when you can’t meet others needs, and not allowing yourself to be manipulated by others.
The How To Have Healthy Boundaries Training Will Help You To:
Create win-win relationships that are based on equality and respect.
Let go of toxic people, unhealthy behaviors, learned helplessness and any manipulation you may be experiencing in your relationships.
Unlearn people-pleasing behaviors which are rooted in insecurity, fear of rejection and needing to feel validated by others.
Take yourself and your time more seriously, and not allow others to minimize your needs and wants in the relationship.
Not to feel ‘icky’ or uncomfortable, when you are being asked to reveal things about yourself or others that you don’t want to reveal.
Become more assertive and clearer in your communication style.
Listen to your inner voice, and be guided by this when a request is made of you or invitation offered that does not feel right for you.
Learn about boundaries. Step-by-step, I will support you as you craft the new boundaries you need with the key people in your life. You will be encouraged to practice and fine tune them in a safe environment, before you set your boundaries in real life.
This training is one of those that my clients tell me has been a foundation for positive change in their life and has really supported them to foster healthier relationships.
Having healthy boundaries will help you get deeply connected to yourself - the real, authentic you - regardless of your surroundings, circumstances, or the people around you.
Healthy boundaries help you remain grounded and safe.
I invite you to step into a whole new way of being through this workshop!
Here Are The Workshop Details:
Up to seven one-on-one online workshops with Jeraline.
In-depth training on boundaries.
One-on-one real-time coaching on how to set your boundaries with specific people and linguistic training.
Psychotherapeutic support in session for any emotional issues that may come up from discussing boundary violations or setting boundaries with the people in your life.
Each workshop lasts 60 minutes.
We meet via Zoom.
The series completes in no more than eight weeks (one week can be used for a break, if needed)
Included In Your Training Are:
Boundary Setting Workshop Toolkit & Gift (sent to UK clients only)
Practice Sheets to help you implement what you learn in-between each session
Contact us, to discuss the fee for one-to-one training in boundaries.
When you have boundaries, you discover the keys to freedom and your own agency. You also teach other people how to respect you.
BOOK A FREE 20-MINUTE DISCERNMENT CALL WITH ME.
If you’re ready for the helpful support you need to finally establish healthy boundaries, reach out using the form below, and we’ll set up a no-cost 20 minute discernment phone call.
During this call, I’ll help you determine what your personal boundary challenges are, and whether this workshop is the right kind of support for you.
Ben, Senior Analyst.
The boundary training really helped me. Understanding what boundaries are and how they could be crossed made me realise I was putting up with a lot of things in my life that I shouldn’t be.